ACT 3

 

Scene : Pearly Gates to Heaven

Cast: Lucifer, Saint Peter

Tune: Twinkle, twinkle, little star

 

 

Lucifer:

O Saint Peter, Where art thou?

Come hither and be a man now.

A sneaky bastard you have been,

Through your tricks I have seen.

 

Peter:

Hey Lucy, dear old boy,

Seeing you brings me joy.

I missed you, you silly sod,

Oh, why did you bug old God?

 

So how is tricks, down in Hell?

The pricks and the chicks, are they well?

Hell should be swell, oft I thinks,

Mannah stinks, while beer you drinks.

 

Lucifer:

Oh shawddup, you slimy Saint,

Your face you paint, and virtue feint,

I know you've been cheating me,

Foully you've been treating me.

 

The rules are fair and written well,

All sinners must go to Hell.

Men are men, and sin is sin,

Ever so full Hell has been.

 

But lately you have cut us dry,

You have stolen our supply.

I went to Earth a while ago,

Sin hasn't ended, that I know.

 

Earth is full of sex and drugs,

Lustful chicks and thieving thugs.

How come they don't come to Hell?

Don't you tell, that here they dwell!

 

Peter:

O Lucy, you silly goose,

Don't you ever read the news?

We have passed an Amendment,

A minor change to old Judgement.

 

Last quarter, we hired some men,

Top notch lads from Andersen,

They did a survey of Heaven,

And called for Chapter Eleven.

 

We will fold, or so they said.

Our business model will be dead.

If we wanted re-ve-nue,

They said we must start anew.

 

Final judgement sounded fine,

But it killed the bottomline.

Being fair was a bad affair,

We really must laissez faire.

 

A brave new choice was then made,

We went in for some free trade.

If you kill, but pay the bill,

You can come to Heaven still.

 

Now we are big Winners,

With more cash, and less sinners.

'Coz you see, sin isn't free,

We insist on a heavy fee.

 

Bill collection was a bore,

We outsourced it to Bangalore.

And now we party night and day,

It's been groovy, I must say.

 

Oh, excuse me for being rude,

I'm so sorry you are screwed.

But chill out, and have some fun.

The Market saves everyone.